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Erzulie: Seeing Red

October 08, 2008
9:00
Question of the Day: When and how did ketchup and French fries be a favored twosome?
» ‎ Erzulie: Seeing Red

MP3's...
Led Zeppelin - What Is And What Should Never Be
Frank Zappa - My Guitar Wants To Kill Your Mama
Grateful Dead - Franklin's Tower
Three Dog Night - Never Been to Spain
The Rolling Stones - Hamburger to Go
Manfred Mann - Mighty Quinn
Dire Straits - Money for Nothing
Jimi Hendrix - Drifter's Escape
October 05, 2008
9:00
Movies That Suck Ass
» ‎ Erzulie: Seeing Red

Amores Perros
Being a foreign film enthusiast, I was ecstatic when I finally received my Amazon order of this movie. A friend of mine gushed about how this highly honored Mexican piece was one of her favorite films while another friend said that the movie is really "intense". I popped the DVD in at around 2 AM and finished a little after four in the morning. As I was watching the credits roll on the black screen, I looked around my cold, dark living room convinced that a sudden attack of wild, rabid dogs four days before my 68^th birthday will be the cause of my blood-spattered death. Now, the cinematography is spectacularly brilliant, but I translated my friends' positive opinions of the movie and the fact that the word "amores" was in the title into a romantic, two dimensional escape from my loveless days. I prepared myself for hot, passionate deceit a la Unfaithful. Instead, I spent two hours observing the dark, maniacal faces of inhumanity.
My rating: 7.8/10

Y Tu Mamá También
Don't read the next sentence if you haven't watched the movie yet. So, we have two Mexican buddies from the opposite sides of the social ladder who obviously can't keep their baby batter in them for more than two hours and a boney, simple-minded woman who takes off with the two boys after her snooty snot of a husband spilled the beans about slutting it up with a number of anonymous minxes. The boney woman and two boys play with each other - literally - during a road trip to the beach. She stays behind and dies of cancer a month after the two teenagers head back home to the city, leaving their tainted friendship and unmentionable relationship behind them for life. I always wait until a movie has completely ended to get the first and final taste of what the overall feel of the piece was. Sometimes, it's an overwhelming emotion of love, regret and heart wrenching peace. But in this movie's case, it was a bittersweet feeling of weird, confused blahness that I quickly shrugged off.
My rating: 6.8/10

Perfume: The Story of a Murderer
I just finished watching this movie thirty minutes ago. I swear, if I see the main character right now I would blow his skeletal, impassive head off with my dad's loaded rifle. It's not that I don't understand the idea of mixing bloodshed with piety, mostly because those two elements make up history. However, what I don't get is how those two combinations equal an orgy with more than 50,000 participants. What gives?
My rating: 2.4/10

Things We Lost in the Fire
I wish a small fire developed in my house's garage whereby in some strange, miraculous way, this movie made its way right at the heart of the scorching flames. Again, I was anxious for a movie that would temporarily carry me away to the amorous land of Saint Valentine. Although the pirated DVD cover was a glum picture of the two main actors in the flick, I had my hopes up for some back arching kisses that would leave me short of breath, "It's Halle Berry and Benicio Del Torro. It has to be hot." Well, it was not. The overlong movie is a groan-worthy downer filled with grief, frustration and is void of any type of climax.
My rating: 3.3/10

Love in the Time of Cholera
After seeing this, I made a vow to never take anyone's opinion about any movie. I must admit that I did cry a few times. Then again, I cried watching this television commercial. Apart from the horrid job of the makeup artist, the film was poorly scripted and lacked the heart and heat of the novel.
My rating: 5.4/10

The movie that made the cut:

Pan's Labyrinth
This fantastic Spanish tale blended childhood fantasy with adulthood's morbid reality, two things that make it a sad yet beautiful piece for people who haven't lost touch of youth's wonderful world of imagination.
My rating: 9.4/10

MP3's…
Crowded House – Don't Dream It's Over
Cut Copy - Feel the Love
Alanis Morissette - Hands Clean
September 30, 2008
8:00
Happy Eid Everyone
» ‎ Erzulie: Seeing Red

I didn't include an exclamation mark on the title of this post because I'm feeling a tad bit bitter about what I'll be doing during my Eid holiday which is doing what I did when I was twelve i.e. going to the chalet with my family. Half of my extended family and friends are already out of the country somewhere in the region or if they were smart enough, bought tickets to somewhere in breezy Europe a month or more in advance. On the bright side, I just rearranged all the new music I received from two sources a while ago so my Ipod is up and ready for that half an hour drive to the seaside tomorrow after I have lunch at my grandma's house. I noticed the nighttime weather change too and it feels mighty good.

To be honest, I'm happy Ramadan is over. The whole familial feel is great and all, but the level of road rage got so out of hand this year. Traffic lights became pretty much an option at the tail of the month. You'd think that people would think twice and remember that it's the month of piety and all that good stuff. Guess it's ironic to thank God that this holy month is over.

Well, save your pennies starting now because soon enough, the domino effect of economical collapse is going to hit us hard. This is going to be one interesting year…

MP3's...
The Doors - Hello, I Love You
Duke - So In Love With You
David Bowie - Always Crashing in the Same Car
Modern Talking - Brother Louie
September 22, 2008
9:00
Question of the Day: Do ugly people know they're ugly?
» ‎ Erzulie: Seeing Red

Seriously, do they? Let's just forgo the whole "beauty is from the inside" hoopla for now, although I personally do believe in it since I know quite a homely individuals who have a beautiful glow due to their charmingly warm character and demeanor.

But for now, go ahead and share your opinion(s) on the matter below.

MP3's...
The Coasters - Get An Ugly Girl to Marry You
Ugly Kid Joe - Everything I Hate About You
Summberbirds in the Cellar - Now We are Ugly Inside
Atmosphere - God Loves Ugly
Smashing Pumpkins - Ugly
Elliott Smith - Pretty Ugly Before
Bubba Sparxx - Ugly
September 21, 2008
9:00
Erzulie is Mrs. Robinson
» ‎ Erzulie: Seeing Red

The boys in my hood are at it again, in Ramadan nevertheless. The cat calls, flirtatious flattery and blink-free stares are never-ending. I used to think it was cute in a juvenile kind of way, but now, they established an official gawking station where they sit on the white, wooden benches placed on the curb on the opposite side of my house and wait until I run in a hurried, pre-futoor flurry with my dara3a or dress fluttering behind me.

"You're going to be late Cinderella! Hurry up!"

"Be careful on the road!"

"Oh my heart! Ohhhh!"

The problem with guys in general is that their balls grow if they're surrounded by their mates. I bet if I cornered the skinny, white kid in the pack and told him off he'd piss in his ratty pants.

MP3's...
Pet Shop Boys - Suburbia
Tears for Fears - Everybody Wants to Rule the World
Robert Palmer - You're in My System
INXS - The One Thing
Orange Juice - Rip It Up
Duran Duran - Ordinary World
The Bangles - Hazy Shade of Winter (Dream Time Remix)
September 17, 2008
9:00
Happy Birthday Big Brother!
» ‎ Erzulie: Seeing Red

MP3's for Big Brother...

A bit of jazz...
Nina Simone - Do I Move You?
Miles Davis - All Blues
Ella Fitzgerald & Joe Pass - Tis Autumn

A bit of alternative and rock...
Alanis Morissette - All I Really Want
Hootie & the Blowfish - I Only Wanna Be With You
Sister Hazel - All For You
Pearl Jam - Crazy Mary

The rest is in this song :)
Nick Drake - Northern Sky

...to Big Brother, who brightens up every bit of sky known to me...
September 01, 2008
9:00
Ramadanian Post
» ‎ Erzulie: Seeing Red

Get yer prayers rugs out 'cause it's time to be good again! I'm not actually feeling this year's Ramadan. It's probably the weather though. I think you can break your fast with this darned humidity. Friggin' lethal stuff out there. I was called out on my cussage so I think I'm going to take it down a notch because of our lovely, close-knit society.

Ramadan is a great way to catch up on relatives' goings-on, like who's looking like they've got a little bun in the oven, who's scurrying off to an abandoned room with their eyes fixated on their cell phone's text message before coming back to the packed living room looking aloof and sweaty under the few observers' leering eyes, who gained or lost weight, who graduated, who failed miserably, who was stupid enough to hack off her gorgeous hair to an unflattering bob, who got a funky looking new nose, the pimply preteen cousin whose voice has just started to crackle, the eternal bachelor with a wandering eye, the eighteen year old stud who thinks he's the hottest piece of macho meat in town, the newlyweds, the newly divorced, the weird cousin who just sits there and sulks, the outlandish visitors who attract strange looks from almost everyone in the guest room, the beautifully fat babies who you just want to squish, the nanny that looks like a serial killer, aunts' timeless, hearty laughs, the one who wore the most stunning dara3a, the glowing face of grandma, the ten year old piece of shit that needs to be slapped around a few times, the wonderfully witty elderly you visit a couple times a year.

Actually, I think I am ready for this month. I still don't have a new dara3a yet. Crap. That's okay right? Crap I mean? Ramadan friendly no? I always thought to myself, "What if I accidentally curse in my head? Would that be Ramadanian foul play?" You know what, I am sticking to "crap." It's a fine, fine word to use this month. I'll be potty-mouthing it again when eid comes along.

Have a wonderful Ramadan people :)

MP3's...
Herbaliser - Sensual Woman
RJD2 - A Beautiful Mine
Kruder & Dorfmeister - Going Under (Kruder & Dorfmeister Session Main Mix)
August 14, 2008
8:00
Chips & Chunks
» ‎ Erzulie: Seeing Red

- So I heard there might be a war with Iran. Does that mean that there might be a sudden discount on silk Persian rugs? Or would they have to be bootlegged? I hope nothing major happens like a nuclear war that would blast us off to smithereens. I didn't bust my ass in school and work to literally get blown away in the wind overnight. I will be super pissed if anything drastic happens. I really don't know why they don't reason it out over a nice cup of tea and sweet biscuits.

- I emailed a bloggerette who's renowned for being fashionably in tune about overalls, you know, the classic kind we all wore when we were in our single digits. I heard TOPSHOP had some but they're more or less like pants with attached cloth suspenders. I just want normal, slightly beat up denim ones I can wear at home and possibly to my district's supermarket. I passed by Dickies in Muthana Complex and tried on the smallest men's pair they had. Apart from being overwhelmingly huge on my frame, they had a meter long crotch space. If you do know where I can find some, please let me know. Otherwise, I think I might be heading back to Dickies before giving my tailor a visit.

- This last bit is extremely important. I am in desperate need of a kiln, that strange looking oven people use to fire pottery. I went by the row of stores across the street from "Al-Mashatel," otherwise known as the land of trees, flowers and plants, and asked if they make their clay pots in Kuwait. "No. We used to fire our pots in Kuwait but ever since eight years ago, we started to fire all our pots in Iran before shipping them in as you see them now." Oh the irony. Anyhow, I went to Color-Me-Mine next in Marina Crescent and asked one of the employees if I could use the store's kiln. He said no because all the unglazed pieces they have are made to work in their oven. In other words, the temperature of their kiln might make my pots explode. I will go to Bait Lothan, my former school as well as Kuwait University to ask if I could use their kiln although I think that will be a little awkward. Anyhow, if you know anyone who has access to a kiln and who doesn't mind it being used, please email me at erzulie1985@hotmail.com.

MP3's...
Credence Clearwater Revival - Green River (mamita & obo el foof, listen to this)
Deep Purple - Smoke on the Water
Canned Heat - Sugar Bee
Country Joe McDonald - I Feel Like I'm Fixin' to Die Rag
Santana - Soul Sacrifice
Joe Cocker - Girl from the North Country
Sly & the Family Stone - I Want to Take You Higher
Crosby, Stills, Nash & Young - Find the Cost of Freedom
Led Zeppelin - Carouselambra
July 20, 2008
8:30
Breaking News: NBK Plagiarized My Blog
» ‎ Erzulie: Seeing Red

Yes, you heard the shocking news here first. The National Bank of Kuwait also known as the locally beloved NBK, had the balls to use a little cartoon I drew up once upon a time for a previous post of mine titled "The Guessing Game: What's in Her Hijab?"

It all started on a slow Thursday afternoon. A colleague of mine approached me with NBK's juvenile friendly magazine, Yabeela. He flipped through the flimsy papers and revealed to me the doodle that I had made which went hand in hand with the article's review of the atrociously mysterious balloon hijab hoards of women and young girls have adopted on their little heads. At first, I was delighted. My cartoon, in a magazine. Then I thought, "Wait a minute. This is my cartoon. I don't see my signature or at least my blog's name or address let alone an email in my inbox asking for permission."
The magazine's cover. Issue # 9, 2008.

The first page of the article (p. 32)

The second page of the piece i.e. the location
of the crime on p. 33

After spending two minutes thinking about my fifteen minutes of fame, my excitement was soon replaced with rage and heated intentions of waging war against a bank that deems itself to be the best bank of the goddamned Middle East.

Really? The best bank? Are you shitting me? See, when I think of NBK, I think of a tacky family business that has no sense of genuine professionalism or depth. It's just a mafia run by middle aged monopolists and a handful of blue-eyed, greasy-haired foreigners who are there for nothing but show and tell and talking their way into our out of a discussion with the help of a charming accent.

In any case, I'm flattered that whoever chose my sketch thought it was worth publishing. And you know what, I'm throwing in a little something for you, a gift. And don't worry, it's free so don't think about climbing up the rungs to ask for the green to make it legal for usage. Now, if you, NBK that is, want to jazz up your flyers, posters, brochures, website, whatever, I think the following might do you more than good to maintain that cool and up-to-date feel. Enjoy.

MP3's...
Empire of the Sun - Walking on a Dream
The Love Me Nots - You're Really Something
Beck - Gamma Ray
George McCrae - Rock Your Baby
Starland Vocal Band - Afternoon Delight
July 02, 2008
8:30
Everybody Who Works in Kuwait Airways is Bound to Develop Assholitis
» ‎ Erzulie: Seeing Red

Update: And my luggage's lost. Hurrah!

MP3's...
Paul Johnson - Get Get Down (Laidback Luke Booty Remix)
Le Le vs. Paul Johnson - Breakfast Bass (Morsy Mix)
The Ananda Project - Shouldn't Have Left Me
Waldeck - Midsummer Night Blues
June 11, 2008
8:30
American School Downfall*
» ‎ Erzulie: Seeing Red

I pride myself for being a former ASKer. I was a student to a number of wonderfully inspiring teachers, some I am still in touch with today while others will always remain in heartwarming memories. Whenever I was asked which school I attended, I remember answering the person back with a simple and slightly lofty "ASK." The American School of Kuwait, once a home to hoards of professionals with a passion for teaching, a haven where international students amicably mingled and balanced out formerly humble locals and Arabs, a place that encouraged tolerance, respect, the love of knowledge and what one truly wants to achieve out of life.

Once.

With the tuition equivalent to that of credible universities in the United States, one would expect the so-called American School of Kuwait to employ informed, mature and highly experienced teachers from the United States with a genuine intention to teach and teach well. However, what one wouldn't expect is to face a staff where half is compromised of poorly paid Aussies and New Zealanders under the age of thirty who set camp on the school's premises for three years tops before they pick up and go to experience another thrilling, Third World adventure elsewhere.

However, that is not the only issue that had made me doubt the integrity and standing of the school. What triggered my resentful frustration are three different incidents that all occurred in ASK's elementary school this past school year.

The other day, a family friend infuriatingly complained about her child's teacher who calls all the male students in his elementary class "jins" or in English, faggot, in a girly manner. When confronted about the reoccurring incident by a parent, the teacher admitted that he did use the word but didn't know what it really meant. "One of the Kuwaiti students here uses it so I thought it was a local nickname for all boys."

Another eyebrow raising event occurred in one of the classrooms yet the third and last one shook the very grounds of supposed American diplomacy. A P.E. (Physical Education) teacher in ASK had a conflict with a Muslim elementary school student. Regardless of what occurred between the two, nothing in the world would legitimize the P.E. teacher's reaction that included taking the student's religion textbook and tearing up the pages while denouncing and cursing Islam as a terrorist cult that breeds savagery and hatred. Ironically, an Arab Christian girl who was also an elementary school student scolded the P.E. teacher and admonished his atrociously depraved and utterly irresponsible behavior.

I would assume that some people will place the blame on the culturally clueless alien teachers while others would suppose that the moral caliber of this generation of students is diving to a new, all-time low, a factor that might have instigated teachers' pessimistic perception of the locals and thus, would have aided in projecting such negative thoughts and realize them in the classroom on behalf of the students' education. I would bet an arm and a leg that countless people would jump the gun and point accusatory fingers at the Minister of Education, Nooriya Al-Sabeeh, and charge her for overlooking the destructive nature of Western institutions and their harmful outcome on students.

In my opinion and from what I have observed throughout my years in ASK, the main element that has led to the disgracefully shameful anticlimax of ASK is the person who owns it. Shame on them for using and abusing the most precious inheritance anyone can have: The power of education.

*Note: This post does not refer to all teachers employed in ASK. By "all," I happily exclude the teachers who teach whole-heartedly and who truly give their all in the classroom. Regardless of what grade you're teaching now, I don't think you know how much impact a great teacher has on his/her students.

MP3's...
Al Green - Just for Me
Aretha Franklin - Chain of Fools
The Temptations - Cloud Nine
Stevie Wonder - Don't You Worry 'Bout a Thing
Smokey Robinson & the Miracles - I Gotta Dance to Keep From Cryin'
Sly and the Family Stone - Can't Strain My Brain
Ray Charles - It's Crying Time Again
Four Tops - Shake Me, Wake Me
June 09, 2008
8:30
Erzulian Cartoons Answer a Tag
» ‎ Erzulie: Seeing Red

Tagged by Intlxpatr. Here are my six quirks:

MP3's...
Nina Simone - Gimme Some (Mike Mangini Remix)
Marlena Shaw - California Soul (Diplo Remix)
Quantic & Nickodemus - Mi Swing Es Tropical
James Brown - There Was a Time (Kenny Dope Remix)
Kid Koala & P Love - Moonriver
Hooverphonic - No More Sweet Music
Kruder & Dorfmeister - Original Bedroom Rockers
Telepopmusik - Brighton Beach
June 01, 2008
8:30
The Shitty Number
» ‎ Erzulie: Seeing Red

A good friend of mine asked me if the brand Ermenegildo Zegna is available in Kuwait. I told him that I highly doubt that it's not. "Do you know where it is?" he asked me. I frowned and replied, " 'Don't know, but I think it's somewhere in Salmiya, probably Mariam Center." My friend called up NBK's operator at 808080 and asked if they have Zegna's number registered. When his attempt failed, he turned to me again. "Let me give them a call and see where the damn store is."

Me: Hello?

NBKer: Hello how can I help you?

Me: I can't hear your voice.

NBKer: Is this better?

Me: No.

NBKer: Now?

Me: Yes that's fine. I was wondering if you have Zegna's phone number. It's a men's clothing store.

Now, the correct pronunciation of this cursed store is "Zeen-ya" i.e. the "g" is silent. However, people in Kuwait tend to pronounce the "g" and well, it means something else in Kuwaiti, something close to shit.

NBKer: How do you spell it?

Me: Z-E-G-N-A

NBKer: Aha. Now, how do you pronounce it?

Me: Zeen-ya

NBKer: But I have it spelled differently here.

Me (in trepidation): Well, you're not supposed to pronounce the "g". It is spelled the way I told you but it's pronounced differently.

NBKer: But I have it written down as something else. I might not find it in the system. Can you pronounce it the way it's spelled?

By now, I was both upset and embarrassed.

Me: Ummm, I don't want to. You know what, just forget about it.

NBKer: Are you sure?

Me: Yes, thank you.

NBKer: Goodbye!

Il kalb! Qa9ib I say it!

MP3's...
Damien Rice - When Doves Cry
Radiohead - Creep
The Features - The Idea of Growing Old
Ben Harper - Fool for a Lonesome Train
May 27, 2008
8:30
For Fuck's Sake...
» ‎ Erzulie: Seeing Red

Date: May 26, 2008

Time: Evening

Situation: Friendly phone call

Me: I'm pissed! No one's commenting on my blog! I'm going to quit.

Friend: If you want comments, why not talk about things happening in Kuwait? Post some pictures or something. Talk about a restaurant, you know…

Me: Well that's a pile of fresh, steamy poop. Yeah, here you go people, another flamboyantly written review about a newly opened bistro and why I hate or love the hell out of it. That's what people need here, more time to eat their way into early obesity.

Friend: Just write something that's interesting like here for instance, when you were harassed by your neighborly hoodlums.

Me: I wrote that for shits and giggles. It had no substance at all.

Friend: Well draw something, I don't know…

Me: Yeah I haven't done that in a while. Plus, it's a good means to put my guttermouth and subtle perversion to good use. We'll see what I'll cook up…

MP3's...
The Bangles - Manic Monday
Alphaville - Forever Young
Billy Ocean - Caribbean Queen
Boney M - Felicidad
Pet Shop Boys - Domino Dancing
May 25, 2008
8:30
God is Here
» ‎ Erzulie: Seeing Red

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing."

"It's never nothing."

"No, really, whatever."

They walked in edgy silence. The cold sun lazed into the nippy morning. "What do you want?"

She was concentrating on the pace of her long strides. She caught sight of an old piece of chewing gum and dodged it by a longer step. It's so strange how one becomes so fixated on something so trivial.

She frowned in vexation. "Truth," she replied without looking at him.

He was quiet for a while. He glanced at her with his dark, patient eyes.

She looked back at him, "What's wrong? Why'd you stop?"

He held his arms out, mystified, "You already have it. You've had it for quite some time."

She took a deep breath and smiled.

MP3's...
Ike & Tina Turner - A Love Like This Don't Come Knockin' Everyday
Frank Sinatra - Let's Fall in Love
Billie Holiday - What is This Thing Called Love
Sister Hazel - All For You
May 18, 2008
8:30
Keepin' the Home Fires Burnin'
» ‎ Erzulie: Seeing Red

It's strange how one year turns your life around. You see things differently, skeptically and with suspicious caution. You adopt new ways of thinking, feeling, reacting and thus, prioritizing. Your optimism is dulled by reality's dispiriting situations and for once and for all you ask yourself, "Why does it have to be that way?" Yet you stick to your guns because throughout the march, you learned that the only thing you can count on is your gut instinct.

I have reunited and come across old faces from the past. Some look kind and familiar while others are simply the latter, yet their marred spirit is detached from what surrounds them and at times, I think that that might lead to their soul's demise. I pity such people who I have come across because they will knowingly live something that won't bring them true happiness, something that they classify as a divine and romanticized illusion when in fact it's the only divine element that we can attain here on earth.

What surprises me is when someone who I lost touch with reaches out amidst the graying clouds I am in. It can be a simple, curious and selfless email or text message. It's heartwarming and gives me hope. It's the same kind of feeling you get when you hear a genuine chuckle. It's wild, pure and reverberates contagiously in your warmed insides. It feels like home.

PS I dedicate this post to a true friend of mine who has the ability to decipher and spell out my thoughts to the point simply by the tone of my voice and the light in my eyes. For that, I will always love you. Know that.

MP3's...
The Beatles - Here Comes the Sun
Fine Young Cannibals - She Drives Me Crazy
Grateful Dead - China Cat Sunflower
Grateful Dead - Shakedown Street
Jimi Hendrix - Pali Gap
Janis Joplin - To Love Somebody
Edward W. Clayborn - Your Enemies Cannot Harm (But Watch Your Close Friends)
Louis Armstrong & Ella Fitzgerald - Dream a Little Dream of Me
Frank & Nancy Sinatra - Something Stupid
May 04, 2008
8:30
Chips & Chunks
» ‎ Erzulie: Seeing Red

- I am so hating hands free. At first, I was all worked up about it, mostly because I felt like a pilot and plus, I am now able to comfortably sing out loud in the privacy of my own car - high notes excluded – without having to deal with onlookers frowning at me in confusion or possibly, fearful amusement. But I soon realized that this transformation might have made me more of a lethal driver. I was making my way down the road on Friday morning while simultaneously trying to plug the damned hands free in my phone. I ended up going up onto the sidewalk at 80 km/hr. I'm either going to get that sweet little wireless gadget you stuff in your ear, use my cell phone's loudspeaker or stick with my current one and end up going bankrupt or to the slammer due to running over a handful pedestrians on a monthly basis.

- After a quick lunch at Johnny Rockets near Al-Salhia Complex a while ago, I walked out of the place and passed a group of people having their meal. I glanced at their plates and thought, "What would they do if I grabbed a French fry off of their plate and continued my stroll out?" Seriously, how would people react to such outlandish public behavior? Now, it depends on the actual people. I would assume that a good portion of the population would be too stunned to react sensibly and in a timely manner. Some might call me out on it, possibly throw in a scolding word or curse my way. But what if I get a whole bottle of ketchup squeezed to where I was standing? I wonder…

- So my 23^rd birthday is coming up this week. Unlike the past 22 years of my life, I am particularly not excited about this day – who gets excited about getting old anyway? Anyhow, here's more about why I am not that much into my damned big day:

Me: So what are you going to get me for my birthday?

Sister: Big Brother and I are officially broke after we both gave up an arm and a leg for mom's mother's day gifts, so a cake from Salma and a nice get-together would do this year.

Although I have never met this legendary cook, Salma has been in my family's life and memories since the beginning of time. Apart from the other goodies she's known for, she's the best of the lot when it comes to black forest cakes, or rather, pieces of creamy heaven that you'd want to dunk your whole face into rather than gobble it up. However, I was getting a little bit tired of the expected, even if what was expected was a phenomenal whip of creamy air.

Me: But I really want this!

Sister: *laughs*

Me: I'm serious! Look, I promised myself that I will hang onto the scruffy watch I'm wearing now until I get this one, the classic piece that will stay with me for life! I am already saving my money for it. I just need a few more notes here and there...

Sister: So do you want to have the get-together at home or at a restaurant?

You know, I'm not liking this year much. Crap....poophead

MP3's…

Pulp – Common People
New Kids on the Block - Happy Birthday By the way, they're getting back together
Dishwalla - Counting Blue Cars
The Wallflowers - One Headlight
Butthole Surfers - Pepper
Sublime - Santeria
Eagle-eye Cherry - Save Tonight
The La's - There She Goes

Hootie & the Blowfish - I Only Wanna Be With You
Lisa Loeb - Stay
Weezer - Buddy Holly
Collective Soul - Shine
April 27, 2008
8:30
Friday Night Lights Turn Squidlicious
» ‎ Erzulie: Seeing Red

"Is there like a term or phrase that alludes to the sea being empty of any game?"

My older brother a.k.a. Big Brother didn't bother turning around to answer me, "Yeah. It's called 'Shit'."

Journeying into low tide...
And shitty it was. My two brothers, Big Brother and Squirt, spent 45 minutes walking in the sea at low tide without spotting a single thing. Personally, I like to venture out at low tide before dusk, when the sun is still out so I can spot oysters for their pearls. The worst part is tugging the oyster from its root, mostly because I abhor the tiny little worms that live on it since I'm worm-phobic. The best part, however, is when you lay them out and watch them open up slowly. When that happens, you take a knife and quickly put it inside the oyster before it clamps shut again. From there, you crack it open and fiddle around with the oyster's insides to see if there are any pearls in it.

View of the shore
My eldest sister always comes to mind at these situations i.e. tigimber. Her first love is the sea; I won't be surprised if she starts to grow scales on her legs before she turns into a mermaid. When I was younger, the two of us would always go out to sea at low tide. When we approached the deep end, I would entertain myself by drawing on the islands of soft sand that arise at low tide while she fearlessly dives into the deep end, in search of oysters on the rocky reef. I remember once, she caught a gigantic oyster that had four large pearls in it. Another time, she caught a baby shark with my father. They placed it in a large bucket before they let it out to sea again.
The only time I patted myself on the back was when I caught an Indian Flathead i.e. وحرة. It was about seven years ago. I had gone out at low tide and started to head back to our chalet when I saw this large fish as long as my arm lying calmly on the sea's floor. My heart started to race as I came near it. While I was examining it, I was thinking about my two options: I either get hold of the bastard or flee. I stood there contemplating my options before spending ten minutes adjusting my position and aim because I knew this fish would fight back. I finally sunk my fishing spear onto it's back using both hands. I think I stood there putting my weight on it for about 20 minutes. The darn thing was unbelievably strong. Finally, it quit moving around. I took it out of the water and placed my fishing spear on my shoulder before I continued my march back home. I remember my dad didn't believe I caught it all by myself, "It's too strong!" he exclaimed.
Remembering times like these is kind of depressing and disappointing. Not even five years ago, we used to catch a lot of sea creatures when we're halfway from the deep sea. "This is global warming," I told Big Brother for the third time, "And pollution."

"I'm bored. There's nothing here," Squirt complained.

"Have patience! Nothing comes easy. Wait for it," I replied in slight annoyance, "And if you see a baby crab, don't kill it," I added.

I always admired the courageousness the baby crabs have. You don't even pay attention to them and they come at you with their snapping claws.

But we didn't see any crabs this Friday night.

"Khithag! Squid!" my older brother yelled before getting into position to catch it. "This is a good place. Let's just turn around the same area," he said after he plopped his catch in the plastic container Squirt was forced to tug along.

That's when I spotted the largest squid we caught that night, the squid I dubbed "The Godfather" because the guy was a big ol' cephalopod. The problem is, The Godfather wasn't as stupid as the rest. The rest just sit there like stones, thinking nobody can see them. The Godfather kept bumbling along and played it cool the whole time I was tracking him down, speeding up and slowing down while I sloshed carefully through the rising tide. I had good aim, but he was slightly too far for me to have a powerful go at him. I took a deep breath and with one large step I extended my fishing spear (kabar) and "CRACK!" I got him good.

"Big Brother! Big Brother! I caught him!" I was a bit tense, frozen in my attack position with my rear in the air. "Look! He's the biggest one of the bunch!"

The Godfather...he looks pissed doesn't he
"The smaller ones are more delicious," Big Brother replied.

Squirt beamed, "I caught the tastiest one! Haha! I'm going to eat it tomorrow for lunch!"

And that he did.
My Second Squid

And that's the last of it!

MP3's...
Ultravox! - Quiet Men
George Michael - I Want Your Sex
Stevie Nicks - Landslide (Live)
Tears for Fears - Head Over Heels
Phil Collins - Easy Lover
Bananarama - Robert De Niro's Waiting
Human League - Don't You Want Me
Modern Talking - You're My Heart, You're My Soul
Yazoo - Don't Go
April 23, 2008
8:30
I Survived Haitham Al-Shaye3
» ‎ Erzulie: Seeing Red

Last night, my dear mother and I headed over to Shamiya and attended speeches made by Adel Al Sar3awi, Jassim Al Sa3doun and my favorite of the three in terms of delivery, Mishari Al Osaimi. After the three gentlemen left the podium, the fourth and final one popped up behind it.

The last speaker of the night - or rather, screamer who was in dire need of valium for all our sakes - the barely 30 year old Haitham Al-Shaye3, was introduced as a Denverite graduate who rolled into his family's business before working in the one and only, our beloved NBK. In other words, a spoiled rich daddy's boy who partied it up from Mint to Monaco before settling in his family's green.

At first, I was delighted to see a young, handsome face before me. The only bad thing was that it started to yell and bellow in no time. It was like experiencing the climax of a cheesy Egyptian action movie for twenty minutes straight which would cause any normal functioning human being to spring out of his/her seat and shout "SHUT UUUUUUUUUP!"

One of the first things I learned in my speech making class in university was to at least memorize the introduction and conclusion because eye contact is key especially in the beginning and closing part of one's speech. This little guy who made me reminisce the times I heard boring monotone speeches read the whole goddamned thing. I bet he downed a dozen Diet Cokes beforehand because he was roaring and raging away at us with his fisted hands and squirrel-like voice. I wouldn't have been surprised if he whipped off his "3gal" and lashed out on us. The guy was on fire, and not in a good way. He was going at everything with such force that I could not stop thinking, "Dude, take a friggin' chill pill and settle the hell down. Breathe for crying out loud!"

'Problem is that his speech was, well, stupid and redundant. "Hatha gal sinee oo hatha gal shi3ee. Hatha gal wa6ani oo hatha gal moo wa6ani." Ummm…seriously? Although important, I think everyone is getting super fed up with that bullcrap and over mentioning it doesn't add much; it just deters you away from speaking about the real problem(s). Now, I don't think my written Arabic is that bad (see previous post) but even with my lack of Arabic grammar knowledge and logic, I knew that something was off about his speech's structure. The guy was all over the place, pulling examples from Kuwait's successful handball team and saying how we should adopt the same team spirit that made them rise to the top. " '3azoo il Kuwait…tathkiroon il '3azoo?!?" The guy was like what, twelve years old then? And then the "let's get 'em good schools and hospitals and whatchamacallits…"

I was amused through it all but then that stopped when my ears started to ring and my head started to ache very, very badly.

Mr. Haitham, if you read this, here are some really helpful links that you, well, must use:
How to Make a Good Speech
Public Speaking - The Art of Speech Making
So You Wanna Deliver an Effective Speech?

MP3's...
Sugar Hill Gang - Rapper's Delight
Devo - Whip It
Queen - The Show Must Go On
Kajagoogoo - Too Shy
Talking Heads - Road to Nowhere
Whitesnake - Here I Go Again
The Colourfield - Thinking of You
Sheena Easton - 9-5
April 20, 2008
8:30
خبر عاجل: الطبطبائي وعقدته من الشوكة
» ‎ Erzulie: Seeing Red

MP3's...
The Bangles - Eternal Flame
Alannah Myles - Black Velvet
Baltimora - Tarzan Boy
Boston - More Than a Feeling
Robert Palmer - Bad Case of Loving You
April 17, 2008
8:30
This is the shit I get.
» ‎ Erzulie: Seeing Red

My area's convenience store is less than 100 meters from my house. You basically exit from my house's backdoor, turn right, take a few steps before heading straight ahead. Before you're on the sandy parking area in the back of the store, you pass by a brick wall that has the likes of "Dr. Dre" and "Snoop Dogg" spray painted all over it. I often thought about how it would be neat to prettify the thing up, you know, have a do-over or something. Could turn out nice. But I don't really get that wall. I get the whole gangsta bit but really, Snoop Dogg in Mishref? Another thing that I find hard to grasp and rationalize are black Kuwaitis i.e. brothas, who have some how figured out that they're great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great grandfather is also related to Tupac. What's with that over-blinged out bull of black pride? Which Kuwaiti hood did that get shat out of?

Back to my story at hand. So yesterday, I decided to walk to the place instead of drive there. It took me about two minutes. I grabbed ten diet Pepsi's and a handful of Arabic gum (the hard, white and tasteless one that's wrapped in clear plastic. Makes your jaw go numb but I love it either way) before heading out.

I passed by a couple of pre-teen juveniles when one of them went, "Hey, who's that tall chick!" followed by, "We're all right here if you plan to come back!" and finally, "I'll marry her right now!" I was a bit amused and kind of scared, mostly because those little runts could've said something worse and plus, what if they grabbed one of those stray rocks that were chipped off some of the new concrete that's laying around their feet? What if they hit my head or back? What would I say in return, "Behave yourselves!"? What if I get whacked on the nose by another rock when I actually do say that? Fortunately, no rocks were tossed my way.

I continued my walk back to my house while the little hoodlums followed in suit. I didn't pay attention to it until today. I arrived from work around seven in the evening when I noticed a bunch of young boys (aged 12 to 15, give or take) with their butts planted on the sidewalk across where I park my car. "Great," I thought after seeing their toothy grins before they said their hello's. I hope they'll get tired of it and decide to read a book or something.

Random thought of the day: I was thinking about VIP i.e. Very Important Person. So if someone is a VIP, does that mean the rest are insignificant lowlifes? I mean, we have titles such as king and prince, but that's the shit shittier people are born into. Anyhow…

MP3's

Angus & Julia Stone – Paper Aeroplane
Culture Club - Karma Chameleon
Kansas - Dust in the Wind
Kim Carnes - Bette Davis Eyes
Terence Trent D'Arby - Sign Your Name Across My Heart
Paul Simon - Diamonds on the Soles of her Shoes
Fleetwood Mac - The Chain
March 23, 2008
8:45
Heaven's Bells
» ‎ Erzulie: Seeing Red

It is so funny how one phone call from a distant college friend can make you go, "What the fuck am I doing with my life?"

You just mentally stop in your tracks, look around and access everything that's going around you before you think, "Where the hell am I going?" and "Is it worth it?"

And you know, most of the times, the answer is no, it's never worth it, mostly because you might be sacrificing the thing you treasure the most: your soul.

I drafted a things-to-do list a while ago, more than a year ago, specifically after I graduated. I don't know where that list is anymore. It used to be a priority but now, I think it's lost somewhere, busy collecting dust.

It's so strange how one year turns your life around, how it affects how you perceive things, trust and feel.

I used to think that if someone, anyone, disrespects you with no reason, you should be extra nice, hoping that they might be embarrassed about their previous actions and in return, would, in the end, treat you with the respect you deserve. That theory of mine has been shot to shit. I have learned that if anyone treats you badly, you should treat them the same way in return, sort of like giving them a taste of their own medicine so to speak.

Over the past year, I trusted people less, learned how to develop a cold and unfeeling heart and to live everyday detached from my surroundings. That wasn't ever a part of me and I resent that new strand of mine, but it's necessary to block certain things in life to keep your sanity. The only time I feel real and alive is at home.

Home. Even the word itself sounds warm and cozy. Home is where I laugh my heart out. Home is where I can carry on a conversation with my weird voice, something that makes my almost two year old nephew run to his mother. It is the place that makes everything matter.

It took me a year to find out what matters the most in my life. Some might think that that's a pretty long time, but I know quite a few people who are in their mid-30's who still don't know what they're set out for.

I'm set for here, for home. And I'm here to stay.

MP3's...
Edith Piaf - Enfin le Printemps
Billie Holiday - Some Other Spring
Grateful Dead - Till the Morning Comes
Ray Charles - I've Got a Tiger by the Tail
James Brown - Papa Don't Take No Mess Pt. 1
James Brown - Come On In This House
Marvin Gaye & Tammi Terrell - You've All I Need to Get By adore this song
March 05, 2008
22:49
Rest in Peace
» ‎ Erzulie: Seeing Red

الدكتور أحمد الربعي
2008-1949
February 14, 2008
8:05
Waleed Fills in for Cupid
» ‎ Erzulie: Seeing Red

For the love of love itself, let's all celebrate this day of amore and evening of good lovin'. Whether you're single, married or heartbroken, have a cookie with pink frosting and think positive thoughts about falling in love. For those who have experienced that delightful tumble to higher heights, stay in that cushioned state for as long as you can. For those who haven't loved, well, let's just hope that you're under thirty years of age. If not, you might have problems with commitment, gender issues or some serious self-hatred that is rooted in your dark, shady childhood. Either way, chin up and enjoy the rest of your red, white and pink day!

Happy Valentine's Day All!

MP3's...
Sade - Your Love is King
Johnnie Taylor - Who's Makin' Love (To Your Old Lady) one of my favorites
Ella Fitzgerald - Let's Do It (Let's Fall in Love)
Al Green - How Can You Mend a Broken Heart
Michael Jackson - Rock with You
Frank Sinatra - Strangers in the Night
Frank Sinatra - Fly Me to the Moon
Eddie Vedder - You've Got to Hide Your Love Away
Wham! - Careless Whisper
James Brown - Sex Machine
Lauryn Hill - Can't Take My Eyes off of You
Grease Soundtrack - Summer Love
Shanice - I Love Your Smile abo el foof...do you remember this?
February 03, 2008
8:00
The Fall of Mr. Nasser*
» ‎ Erzulie: Seeing Red

Bader secretly prided himself for being one of the recognized students in his English class. He was known to have near perfect verbal skills. Many of his colleagues in his fifth grade class embarrassingly answered their teacher with broken words and mispronounced letters. "People," Mr. Nasser would correct them sternly, "Not beoble." Mr. Nasser, the boys' Palestinian English teacher, was deeply revered by Bader's class. Unlike some teachers, Mr. Nasser never carried a threatening ruler at hand to slap the palms of mischievous and sometimes framed students. He relied on the respect he earned and deserved from his students who in time recognized and appreciated his passion for teaching the basics of the English language. Whenever the boys walked into class on Wednesdays, they would always find Mr. Nasser standing proud and tall in his thin, neatly ironed suit near the blackboard. Behind him would be what he called "The Thought of the Week," an exercise where students would right one paragraph about a random subject. After they were done, a handful of students were selected to read their thoughts out loud for the rest to hear.

One Wednesday afternoon, Bader was the first reader to be chosen. The young boy brushed his black hair away from his eyes and began to read, "I looked out the window…" Mr. Nasser slowly walked over to Bader's desk until he was behind the young boy. His inquisitive, green eyes scanned Bader's paper while the young boy continued to read in mild trepidation. "Bader," Mr. Nasser said while staring at the blackboard before him, "Spell 'window'." Mr. Nasser started to walk to the front with his back to the class. Bader sat still in his seat. He felt all his peers' eyes weighing on him with curious scrutiny. He finally cleared his throat and answered, "W-E-N-D-O-W." Mr. Nasser stopped walking. The class was silent and anxious to hear the results of the riddle. "That's incorrect Bader," Mr. Nasser replied before he finally faced the class.

Later that evening, Bader was busy solving his mathematics assignment at home. His mother walked into his room and sat primly on his bed. Bader turned his attention to her. "I got a call today from your school," she said. Bader nodded and raised his eyebrows, "Yeah?" His mother took a deep breath, "Mr. Nasser said that you didn't know how to spell 'window' in class today. Is that true?" Bader pursed his lips and bobbed his head in agreement. "You know, speaking English fluently doesn't amount to much in the end. I know that you learned that skill from all the American sitcoms and movies you've seen. Anyone can perfect their accent by simply watching television." Bader's wide, brown eyes searched for an excuse. He knew that there would be some sort of catch to his mother's lecture. "Starting today, I am going to assign you books to read. English books. I know that reading alone will improve your spelling as well as composition skills." Bader knew that there was no way out except to surrender to his mother's ultimatum, "Okay."

After a few months into the school year and the four English classics that were brewing in Bader's thoughts, the initial incident that occurred between Mr. Nasser and Bader came up. A student in Bader's English class was mumbling a passage from the reading book, "The large window…" Hearing that, Jassim nudged Bader's elbow that he had propped up on the desk before him. Even minor occurrences do not pass by unnoticed by Mr. Nasser. "Stop reading," he said, "Bader, spell window please." Bader's reply was too quick and too loud, "Window! W-I-N-D-O-W! Window!" Mr. Nasser smiled to himself, "Very good Bader."

Bader never forgot Mr. Nasser's smile that school day. Although brief and subtle, the smile was proof that Bader was truly one of the best students in his English class. From that day on, both Bader's spelling and composition skills improved.

But the Gulf War came and changed everything. After attending sixth grade abroad, Bader returned to the same school he had been in after Kuwait's liberation. Yet everything was different. Kuwaiti educators were a minority as scores of teachers from Egypt flocked to fill up the empty slots found in many of the government schools. Students were keener on taking the easy route as talks of which teacher turns a blind eye to cheaters and which ones are friendly to students' bribes buzzed during break time.

During English class, Bader channeled out the raucous around him and wondered to himself where Mr. Nasser was. He turned to his neighbor beside him, a student who had been with Bader in Mr. Nasser's fifth grade English class. "Do you know where Mr. Nasser is?" The young boy slowly shook his head. Bader looked at him, disappointed, before he returned his attention to his present and even more disappointing English teacher.

"Bader, could you please get your father's laundry from down the street?" It was six o'clock in the evening and Bader had already completed his homework for tomorrow. "Sure," he replied to his mother who was taking a nap on his bed. Bader walked out the front door and marched down the darkening street. The Laundromat was less than a ten minute walk from Bader's house. Beside it was a small convenient store, a decent photography studio and a steamed beans and chickpeas shop. Bader stepped into the tiny Laundromat and placed his hands on the grey table before him. The employee had his back to Bader as he quietly folded strangers' dirty clothes. "Hello," Bader said in a matter-of-fact way before he slid the laundry slip on the cracked wooden table.

The man slowly turned around and faced Bader. It was Mr. Nasser. His face was haggard and colorless. His trademark sharp suit was striped away from him; he stood naked and empty wearing a plain white gown. His features softened as he looked Bader over, "Ah, my favorite student. You've grown taller. How are you doing Bader?" Mr. Nasser's student stood in silence. "How can I speak? What shall I say?" the young boy's head whirled with confused thoughts and sundry questions. "I'm doing well Mr. Nasser," he managed to stammer back, "And how are you?" Mr. Nasser looked down at the floor and chuckled, more to himself than with Bader. He looked up at Bader and replied plainly, "I'm here Bader. That's how I am doing. I'm here." With that, Mr. Nasser quietly picked up Bader's slip and went to the rear of the store to fetch the laundry.

* Based on a true story.

MP3's...
The Box Tops - The Letter
Cat Stevens - Moonshadow
The Manhattans - Shining Star
Tavares - Heaven Must Be Missing an Angel
Sonny & Cher - I Got You Babe
Beach Boys - Barbara Ann
Aretha Franklin - Rock Steady

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