9:37
1. The Language-Challenged Blogger:
This is the category of bloggers who have trouble differentiating between languages, e.g. “I got into a car accident oo Ri7t ma5far Shamiya ilyom.” Writing a word or a sentence to refer to a specific person, place or thing in Arablish is fine, but writing the whole post – think several paragraphs - is just plain retarded. There is something wrong when your posts need subtitles. There are over 6,800 languages in the world, pick one and stick to it instead of using every other symbol known to humankind.
2. The Mixed Case Syndrome Blogger:
Bloggers who think writing half the letters in caps is cool and rebellious, e.g. “PuRgAtoRy NeEds HeLp.” There is a reason the letters are automatically lowercased; if you are unable to see the difference, please remove the shift button from your keyboard. It is annoying, illegible, unnecessary, and adds completely nothing to what you are trying to say. Anyone who capitalizes the second letter in a word should be assaulted multiple times to the head with an old keyboard (with the exclusion of Apple Fanboys).
3. The YouTube Leech Blogger:
This caption is under the handful of bloggers who place videos from YouTube in every other pathetic post. So you enjoyed the video of the kid screaming “Bloooood”? How about you write something significant after posting the video of the ninety-year-old guy dancing the Macarena in his birthday suit? Now, there are some interesting videos on YouTube that get forwarded across the globe through emails and Facebook messages. But at the end of the day, the previously hilarious clip gets worn out pretty quickly. The whole thing is overplayed, overdone and overused to such an extent that you find yourself gasping for something genuine. It is acceptable if someone refers to what is in the video they posted i.e. a song, play, etc. and relates it to their post’s subject, but if the entire post is made up of embedded text; you might as well be killing kittens.
4. The Resurrected Blogger:
Scores of bloggers claim to quit and then come back a week later. If you want to quit, stop posting. Do not be a Drama Queen by announcing a tearful goodbye to the blogosphere about your final virtual days and then return because your so-called loyal readers (read: nagging do-nothings) missed you. Chances are the same people who miss you will have forgotten you in about a week. As for the people who claim to quit just to see how many comments they will get: you need to find a new hobby or rather, a life. This goes double for the people who over dramatize it with cliché phrases like “Blogging changed my life!” and “I’ll never forget you guys!” before they bounce right back in after a short period of time with an equally sappy and subtly arrogant “I missed the blogging me! Did you?”
5. The Déjà Vu Blogger:
Many bloggers write about the same topic as every other blog without adding something new to the mix. We know that legalizing alcohol was an April’s Fool’s joke. We know that Virgin was shut down by the government due to unrelated circumstances. Unless you add your own take on the issue at hand, it is just another useless post. Nobody wants to hear or see it unless there is something new and authentic inside. And yes, it is your own blog and you can post whatever you want whether it is spanking new or stale news. But that is the catch see; it is your blog, why not put in the extra effort and really make it your own?
6. The Stereotypical Kuwaiti-Blogger:
Villa Moda, The Avenues and Marina Mall sums up about 95% of most of these individuals’ posts. And for the record, I do not care much for the display picture that shows 10% of your oh-so shiny and lush hair as a way to entice and allure their readers to think, “My, who is this wonderful mystery of a being!” Either write something worth reading or grab your glittered cell phone and spill all to your best friend who probably might be just as disinterested as the readers who indifferently skim your latest post for a maximum of 45 seconds.
7. The “I am not a stereotypical” Kuwaiti-Blogger:
Yes, we know that the culture does not understand you, and well, we just do not care. Go ahead and write about how nobody really “gets you” or how no one really knows where you are coming from or how every single person you encounter is a downright hypocrite. At the end of the day, no one is as big a hypocrite as you are. And please do not post about wanting to leave Kuwait because it is boring and you would much rather spend time playing pool in a shoddy little bar in Wichita. We know that life here is mind-numbing and we too take a break from the rut we call living. The way I see it is that you have two choices: you either leave for good or suck it up and deal. Right now, you might be boasting about your bright plan to quit everything before packing up your bags and taking off. The thing is kiddo, both you and I know that you are not as ballsy as you think you are so save yourself a few hours of sleep and stop daydreaming about Neverland since the probability of you basking in the glorious sunshine of Libertyville is zero to null.
8. The Tagging Blogger:
You smoked one cigarette in your life, crashed a car and took off without telling anyone and you also enjoy long, romantic walks on the beach? James Dean would be so proud of your rebellious stance on life and the fact that you adore the color red. I found more interesting information in spam and chain emails than I do in tags. Then again, one thing everyone loves to do is find a way to talk about themselves. Since we are all Narcissists disguised under innocently constructed personas, tagging allows you to do just that without being creative whatsoever since the only thing you rely on is your memory and typing skills.
9. The All-Day blogger:
Post 1: 9am - I had breakfast, it was good.
Post 2: 9.15 - I took a shower, it was good.
Post 3: 9:30 - I got dressed, it was fun.
Post 4: 9:45 – A stranger came into my room. He said his name was “K” and that he is a blogger. He is choking me right now. This may be my last breath. If not, I will tell you all about my near death experience after fifteen minutes, as always.
10. The Misspelled Blogger:
Even if they had Miriam-Webster toilet paper, some bloggers would still be unable to spell for shit. A word of advice? If you see squiggly red lines under the words you type, refrain from clicking on the “Publish Post” option.
*This post is dedicated to L for proofreading/editing seventeen different variations.
This photo is of him before I got him. I got him last Saturday, July 21st, so he’s been with me for about four days. The breeder said that it will take him about a week or two to get comfortable with his new home and with me.
